Blog Post #9: Back in Time

 If I could go back in time and change one moment in my life, I would change when COVID happened. I think a lot of people would go back and change this one, but it can be difficult to point out why specifically they would change it. I am very happy at the place I am at now and where I am going to be, but I always wonder what it would be like if COVID never happened. It was my freshman year in my spring semester here at CNU when COVID began. There were so many things that I wanted to experience for the first time that I wasn’t able to in my first year of college. My first sorority formal, creating new friendships, celebrating Saint Patrick’s Day and even Cinco de Mayo with my college friends. The announcement of COVID actually was on my birthday, March 12 2020. I was at a sorority fraternity mixer, and we all didn’t know if we had to spread out or not. The next day we celebrated my birthday at a dinner, and on Saturday I drove home, not knowing that I would be there for the rest of the year. Now these moments may sound very artificial, but I was never able to experience those, or even experience my first spring semester at college with my new found friends. 

I do not have the most perfect relationship with my family, so going to college was a huge step in the right direction for me. I felt free to choose what I wanted to do, how to dress, and develop new ideas and opinions of my own. So immediately having to go back home after being in such a great environment shattered everything for me. I shared a room with my older sister (who I absolutely love), however not having any privacy or safe space for yourself can become very frustrating. I became irritable, sad, and ultimately spiraled every day. It is hard to describe, but I felt like I was a 12 year old girl in middle school again. Back again with all of my family members, in a crowded house for months, was hard. My mental health was at an all time low and I was away from the friends that I just began to know. Facetiming them, playing games all day, and not doing anything was great at first. However, starting school back up was bad. I do not remember anything I learned and was never paying attention. This was especially tough when we transitioned back to being in person in my sophomore year. That was my hardest year academically, and everything was online. It was isolating, depressing, and difficult. I lost a whole year of a normal college experience, because college before and after COVID felt very different. I know a lot of people actually enjoyed being home. They picked up new habits and walked more, even hit goals that they didn’t before. Having time to myself was nice, but I was never mentally healthy enough to the point where I could use my time wisely. I slept in constantly, watching Netflix, went to bed, and repeated the cycle. 

I would change COVID so that it didn’t happen at all, especially during my college years. I think it would have been even better if I was in my career field, years later. I would be more stable, either financially or mentally too. I always dreamed of having the perfect college experience, but that was ruined with COVID. Reflecting on my four years here at CNU, it has been amazing and so fulfilling. However, my friends and I always wonder what things would be like if we had those extra months together. 

The pictures below show the email from Kevin Hughes that we would be home for months, and the other photo was my friend giving my popcorn for my birthday, hours before we found out about COVID.